When I see your face
by kaakao
Summary: Beca slowly realises she's in love with Chloe and that Chloe feels the same but maybe too late? My first fic really, it was supposed to be really short but we'll see what happens.
1. Chapter 1

"Maybe not here…"  
She hadn't meant to drop the pitch pipe, but coordination wasn't her thing and the irony that it rolled into what had been Aubrey's lunch was all somehow rather fitting.  
Beca desperately tried not to look at Chloe but she knew she would fail soon, just not now.  
She couldn't look at Chloe right now, this day had been stressful above and beyond what she could normally handle in a month and it wasn't over yet.  
She honestly hadn't believed Aubrey would let her back in, and she couldn't have dreamed of her literally handing it over to Beca to make decisions.  
She knew Chloe had some part in it, probably a big part in it, and that was one of the reasons why she couldn't look at her.  
The image of Chloe staring at her with eyes that burned through her skin, her walls, her bones and demanded answers to questions she could hear even though the redhead hadn't spoken, still made her sick and unsteady.  
Backstage at Regionals, it all happened at once. Aubrey tore her down, Jesse stumbled in and helped and Chloe… Chloe liked her.  
"Is this true Beca? Have you hooked up with Jesse? Do you like him? Why haven't you said something?  
I thought we were friends… I like you Beca. I thought…We could be more than friends. I wish you had told me."  
All these questions were apparent in just one look from the senior. Beca didn't know if Chloe had meant to show all those emotions, and at first she hadn't believed it  
but that night she had gone through every single moment shared with the redhead and she knew it had to be true.  
And then she realized something else.  
It didn't affect her. She didn't feel weird about it. She didn't wish for those moments with Chloe to be different.  
She didn't wish for Chloe to not feel that way about her, but she didn't understand why.  
The coming week was quiet. Her phone was quiet. Her dorm door was quiet, much to Kimmy Jin's joy.  
Chloe didn't text her. Chloe didn't call her and say "Hey Mitchell, I hear even DJ's need food, which is why I'm coming by and yes there is extra cheese on your pasta.".  
Chloe didn't show up with her red locks that Beca just wanted to run her fingers through, and that contagious smile on her beautiful lips which made Beca happy in corners of herself she didn't know she had inside.  
She didn't show up and sit on Beca's bed and peek over at her equipment, secretly hoping the younger girl would let her listen to what she's working on while Beca wondered why it felt so okay to sit in silence with Chloe.  
Beca couldn't handle silence even on her own, much less with someone else around. Except with Chloe.  
But Chloe was silent now. It was too silent, and no matter how much she turned up the volume she couldn't drown out the deafening noise inside.  
She missed Chloe. In a way she had never missed anyone before. Because she had never before felt the same way as she did about the redhead.  
She had never liked anyone before. But she liked Chloe. Liked her. The realization hit her like a wrecking ball.  
And then she realized she had wrecked things and that's when she felt herself shatter inside worse than she ever had before, and it was spring break and Kimmy Jin wasn't there to hear her cry into her pillow.


	2. Chapter 2

She hadn't thought this through, and now Aubrey had given her control. Aubrey Posen had given Beca Mitchell control over the Barden Bellas.  
Chloe was standing so close to her suddenly and before she knew it an ache exploded through her veins. Beca's heart was pounding louder than her beats through her headphones.  
She ached to reach out and touch her. She had removed her nodes and no one had known. No one had been with her in the hospital.  
It looked like it still hurt, like she hadn't healed yet; in more ways than one, Beca thought. Beca was probably responsible for half that pain.  
She wanted to reach out and touch Chloe, hug her, stroke her hair and feed her ice cream. Beca had had her tonsils removed as a kid and they stuffed her full of ice cream because that was supposed to help with the swelling and stuff and suddenly her heart pounded too loud for her to realize she just mumbled her thoughts out loud.  
Chloe looked at her with one eye-brow up. Half the Bellas were almost out the door, mainly because half the room was covered with vomit. Jessica handed Aubrey a towel because there was still a bit of vomit on her chin, and Amy loudly suggested that they'd meet in the pool in an hour to cook something up good enough to set some aca-balls on fire, to which the others nodded yes.  
But Beca stood frozen, only half hearing their plans and somewhere far in the back of her mind she thought about the songs she had thought of before. Before. Before she had hurt Chloe. Before she had decided to come back and face them.  
Before she had mumbled something silly out loud.  
"What?" Chloe quietly asked, arms crossed and eyes blue and cold, fixed at Beca.  
Beca couldn't move, couldn't talk, couldn't break eye-contact with Chloe. It felt like fire and ice rushing through her blood and over her skin, like a fever she thought.  
"God damn it Mitchell say something, say anything" but nothing came out, she opened her mouth a bit and tried but it didn't work.  
And then Chloe full of surprises Beale had a slight smile on those gorgeous lips and Beca suddenly felt herself taking a deep breath, the first one in a while.  
"You want to feed me ice cream?" her tone sounded amused but also unsteady, unsure, like those were her first words after surgery.


	3. Chapter 3

Chloe's eyes held so much: sadness, pain, hope, a tiny bit of a smile and almost no confidence.  
Beca didn't know in which end to start. It all felt too heavy on her, knowing she was responsible for all of those emotions.  
But she couldn't leave now. Not again. She didn't want to but she didn't know how to stay.  
Suddenly her body forced a breath down her lungs and that seemed to instill some temporary courage in her.  
"Feed you…? Uh… Yeah. Uh, I ate ice cream as a kid and that helped."  
Chloe just looked at her with that gaze that made her fall and rise at the same time, and then she realized there was a question in her eyes.  
"Swelling! It helped with the swelling. I had my tonsils taken out." _Oh geez, welcome to aca-awkward fucking central._  
Beca couldn't even believe herself and she couldn't face Chloe anymore so she turned her head down and stared at the floor, in the corner of her eye was the new shade the floor had taken and she felt more than slightly sick by now.  
Suddenly a pair of nice boots came closer to her own and then a body, a very nice and warm body and then Chloe's arms gently wrapped around her small shoulders and Beca thought that came well in time because otherwise she would've fallen over by now and  
she just wanted to fall deep into the redheads embrace. Slowly, slowly she lifted her own arms and put them around Chloe's waist and she pulled her just a tiny bit closer _how did this happen, what is happening, her hair smells so good, can we just stand like this for a long long time?_  
"You're cute."  
The redheads breath was warm and soft right next to Beca's ear, well really all of Beca was warm right now because her heart was punching her ribcage so hard and so fast and she wasn't sure if she had imagined those words or not.  
"Thank you for making me smile. I'd happily let you feed me ice cream..."  
Even dreams weren't this good. Chloe's voice was shy, unsure, like someone trying to find their way in darkness, trembling hands and slow steps so you don't trip.  
But there was also a smile playing on her lips, Beca could hear it, but it was faint, but it was there. And then Beca nuzzled her face into Chloe's shoulder and smelled her hair, her neck, and suddenly she could feel Chloe's heart mirroring her own. Violent punches, like both their hearts wanted out, they wanted to break free and meet each other like Beca wanted to look up and meet Chloe's lips with her own. But she couldn't just yet, she could barely breathe, she could not believe how good this felt and then she raised her head slightly to be able to better form words.  
"Can we go buy you ice cream…?"  
She wasn't sure the words had even come out of her throat because it was choked full with emotion but then she felt Chloe nod softly and Beca realized there wasn't enough ice cream in the world to cool herself down to a normal body temperature ever again.


End file.
